Shame is possibly the most misunderstood of all human emotions. It’s also the most taboo, the most debilitating, and the most avoided. All of which makes it the most powerful emotion we can experience. The best way to normalize shame is to understand it better by clearing up some of the most common misconceptions about it.

The delicious festival of Lughnasadh signals the start of harvest season and observing it invites us to do something extremely important - to harvest all the abundant fruits of our labor and truly relish them! This festival of abundance reminds us to come back to the present and savor the sweetness of life.

Perfectionism is the compulsion to achieve flawlessness. Some might say it’s the dependency on achievement to feel good. When doing something that is perceived as perfect is conflated with the state of being good or worthy, perfectionism ensues. Why do some of us cross these wires of being and doing? Because when we feel flawed on the inside, the only way to compensate is to perfect ourselves on the outside in order to avoid feeling shame. However, anyone who suffers from perfectionism knows that it results in anything but feeling good. Perfectionism is exhausting, linked to anxiety, depression, and procrastination, and it challenges even the strongest of relationships.

Many of us would do just about anything to avoid the discomfort of emotional pain, but avoidance comes at a cost. Intolerance for our discomfort isn’t a one-way street; when we’re unwilling to sit with our own pain, it’s impossible for us to sit with the pain of another person. Avoidance erodes our most cherished relationships, breeds distrust and resentment, and leaves us feeling lacklustre. On the other hand, building tolerance for emotional pain can enhance our empathy, deepen our relationships, and lead to a more fulfilling life.

At the Summer Solstice, we’re marking not only the initiation of summer but also a new cycle. The solstice is a celebration of life, light, and abundance. It is an invitation to shift out of survival mode and into thriving which can be easier said that done for those of us who are accustomed to not feeling safe.

I came up with the term Shamework to describe the process I use to identify our shame, consider where we learned it, and ultimately to unlearn our Toxic Shame. In my experience, EFT ‘tapping’ is the optimal therapeutic technique to use for Shamework due to its ability to neurologically rewire our brains and regulate our nervous systems, thereby preventing us from becoming overwhelmed when confronting our shame.

The term emotional regulation gets bandied about frequently, especially co-regulation which many people misunderstand to be a process exclusive to parents and children, but do we actually know what it means, why it’s so important to our wellbeing, to the success of our relationships, and what the consequences of emotional dysregulation include? How can we retain our calm when we’re naturally reactive people?

The biggest contribution to my mental and spiritual wellbeing has been my effort to live seasonally. I do this by observing the Wheel of the Year seasonal festivals. Beltane, a Celtic cross-quarter fire festival that marks the peak of spring is all about living, thriving, and rebirth. Despite what we’re taught to believe, starting all over again at any stage, regardless of our circumstances. obligations, and perceived limitations is not only possible but also our birthright!

One of the most sinister characteristics of shame is that there is shame about shame. There’s even a term for this effect: meta-shame. Meta-shame is the main reason why shame is not only taboo but also usually missed by individuals and their practitioners; it prevents us from talking about our shame, and often, from even admitting to ourselves that we experience it. It is the reason I’m on a mission to normalize shame.

What is the difference between nourishment and numbing? One of the deepest forms of self-care is making the autonomous decision about what form of nourishment we require instead of numbing ourselves to avoid uncomfortable feelings.